Akatsuki Shorts
by GothicHeaven
Summary: Just like the title said just short glimpses of Akatsuki life, bonding and their closeness. The chapters will be really short and few in number. Only the first chapter is AU. Naturally Hidan's mouth is vile so there will be swearing. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - You Adopt Some Of Your Partner's Habits

D'fuck's wrong with you?" Hidan asked the moment he entered to kitchen to Deidara's whining. He was opening the refrigerator and selecting a beer on habit alone.

"Sasori," he replied in the same whining tone. "Is no fair."

"Nothing but the usual." Kisame stared. He was around the stove preparing lunch for both himself and Itachi. Itachi was leaned on the volunteer beside the stove reading a book as he waited. Pein sat around the table nearer to the fridge and was reading the newspaper. Hidan had moved to the other side of the room to lean comfortably on the counter there.

"You guys don't understand!" Deidara whined again.

"D'fuck's wrong with you?" Kakuzu asked when he also entered the kitchen to Deidara's whining. He had just opened the refrigerator and selected his sports cup? When he notices to looks he was getting. He leaned on the

"I asked the same question!" Hidan said with a smile oblivious to the stares. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at them looking Hidan up and down. They were both leaned up legs crossed at the ankle, an arm crossed under the other arm that was holding the sports cup or in Hidan's case beer. He then realised the implications of this.

He turned around and left.

Deidara and Kisame's laughter filled the room the moment he disappeared. Itachi was smiling and Pein's face held a smirk. Hidan was only one not getting it.

"I wonder if we ever do stuff like that." Kisame said thoughtfully after turning off the fire under the pot. Both he and Itachi adopted thoughtful frowns while a hand languidly scratched their stomachs. The others watched them in amusement. Kisame shrugged. "Naw. I think I would remember something that."

Deidara giggled and Pein rolled his eyes. Hidan looked at them in suspicion.

"I don't get it."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - You'll Share The Same Tastes

"Did you bring the food?" Kisame asked as he jumped onto the large rock beside the one that Itachi was sitting on.

"Of course." Itachi answered before pulling a scroll from inside his Akatsuki robes. He released the seal on their bentos into it before handing one to Kisame.

"Oh yes." Kisame moaned already salivating as he opened his bento. Itachi smiled behind his collar before opening his own and holding his chopsticks up.

"Itadakimasu." they both said and dug in. Kisame pulled out his special sauce and covered everything in his bento with it. Itachi watched in slight distaste but held his bento towards him. Kisame raised a brow at him. He knew Itachi didn't like his sauce.

"Only on the rice." Itachi told him and Kisame smiled before complying.

"You're warming up to it." Kisame commented in between bites. Itachi shook his head with a frown.

"Only on the rice." he said after a slow bite. "I don't know how you eat it on everything."

"You'll like it eventually." Kisame said and they finished the rest of the meal in silence.

"Are we ready?" Itachi asked standing from his perch and dusting his Akatsuki robe of as an afterthought.

"Nope. Here." Kisame said pulling a box of dango from his coat pocket and holding it to him. Itachi's eyes immediately zoned in on them. "I got them while we were in the last village and I had it specially packaged."

"Thank you." Itachi said happily taking the box. He licked his lips to make sure he wasn't drooling. Kisame pulled out another box dango for himself. This box had less than the other. He opened it and pulled out the first one.

"I thought you didn't like dango." Itachi commented watching as his partner bit into the first ball. Kisame grinned at him.

"What can I say? They grew on me."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - They Might Let You Get Away With Pretty Much Anything.

"Thank you so much Zetsu!" Tobi said excitedly before bouncing over to Zetsu and pushing him down into the closest chair. Zetsu had been in his room when Tobi had bounced in with the odd request for help in hair styling. "You are the only one that would ever let Tobi play with you like this. They others don't even like Tobi playing with them. Can you believe them?"

"I'll always let you play." the light side of Zetsu stated before the dark side added. "Even if I have to eat them to shut them the hell up after this."

"You can't eat them silly." Tobi told him with a laugh as he began the first strokes of a comb through Zetsu's green hair. "We need them for stuff that we need them for. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Yes." Zetsu said and tried not to wince when Tobi started using the brush a little too hard.

"Soon they will be dead but until then we have other things to think on." Tobi said parting the hair into small sections with a thoughtful look under his mask. Holding one part apart he dipped a hand into a pocket and produced a small ribbon. He got to work tying the ribbon around the separated part. "Pink looks sooo good in your hair Zetsu. They make such a great combination."

Dread crept through Zetsu at the thought of what kind of pink thing had been put in his hair but he remained silent. Soon Tobi was chattering excitedly above his head as he worked. Zetsu counted at least five of those little pink things going into his hair. This was bound to end in humiliation for him. He could just feel it coming.

"Hey Zetsu have you-" Deidara's voice called from the direction of the door but Zetsu couldn't see because of how he was sitting. He turned to see Deidara standing in the doorway with both hands over his mouth. His eyes were opened wide in mirth and Zetsu could hear muffled broken laughter from him. "Oh my-"

"You're just jealous!" Tobi yelled pointing the comb at the blond accusingly. Zetsu watched in horror as he continued to use it to gesticulate with it. "Tobi has partner who let him do things and sempai don't! Boo!"

"You're right but this is too funny!" Deidara said and fled the room in raucous laughter.

There was silence in the room for a few moments before Tobi turned to Zetsu with an eye smile that rivalled Kakashi Hatake's .

"Don't take them out now!" he said before skipping out of the room with the comb stuck in his hair.

"What kind of punishment is this?" Zetsu asked.


	4. Chapter 4

4

"Ok. Which one of you was it?" Sasori asked the room full of Akatsuki. The only ones missing were Deidara and Pein and Konan.

"What did you do now?" Kiaame asked Hidan.

"Why's it got to be me?" Hidan exclaimed receiving a glare from Kakuzu. "It could be Swirly over there. I don't give half the trouble he does for f sake."

"Tobi is not Swirly!" the masked man exclaimed in an appalled tone. "Tobi is a good boy."

"What exactly are you accusing us off?" Kisame asked.

"Which one of you pathetic ingrates got Deidara so angry he won't talk?"

Silence.

"...You actually care." Kisame commented wide eyed.

"Fuck me." Hidan said in wonder.

"I don't care." Sasori protested

"I thought you liked him being quiet. He shut up now what's the big deal?" Zetsu asked switching light and dark with each sentence.

"You don't get it." Sasori protested folding his arms now.

"Nope. You don't like him talking and now he isn't talking." Kisame said with a vague wave of his hand and frowning face. "Don't see the problem there."

"Neither do I." Itachi added

"Tobi wants cookies!"

"Shut up bitch!" Hidan growled throwing a book at him. Tobi dodged the book easily.

"You guys don't even try to change the subject. You won't understand anyway." Sasori said with a roll of his eyes.

"We can't if you don't tell us." white Zetsu stated and was quickly followed by black. "We ain't mind readers."

"Let me make it plain and simple." Sasori said becoming to show his irritation. "Nobody and I mean nobody is to lay a hand on or be excessively mean to or insult Deidara except me. He is my partner and mine to slap, insult, argue with or punish how I please. None of you touch him and don't you insult him more than you usually do Uchiha. He is mine."

Silent staring for a very long moment.

"Damn man!" Hidan's comment finally broke the silence.

"Don't worry we, won't touch what's 'yours' again." Kisame said with a suggestive look that went perfectly with Hidan's lewd look. Sasori's eyes went wide at the innuendo. Kisame and Hidan cackled indecently at his horrified look. Itachi smiled slightly.

"But Tobi loves sempai!" Tobi exclaimed at the thought of not being able to hug Deidara again.

"This is all rather unexpected." Zetsu commented.

"That is not what I meant!" Sasori said defensively.

"He doesn't know, does he?" Kisame teased.

"Don't worry we won't tell him about your filthy little fantasies of bending him over and-"

"I believe those are your fantasies." Itachi cut him off. Sasori's face was getting redder and redder and was rapidly approaching the colour of his hair.

"What did you say asshole?" Hidan said jumping to his feet. His scythe was already in his hands.

"You're all idiots." Kakuzu snarled halting all movement in the room. He stood to leave bringing his books with him. To think he was almost through with the financial records. He was surrounded by morons.


	5. Chapter 5

5. Togetherness that knows no bounds.

Pein watched over the top of the report he was reading as Konan folded her papers to occupy her time. He had a few reports to look over before he could go for lunch. Realistically Konan could have gone for lunch or brought lunch a long time ago. But in actuality she wasn't going to eat until he was going to eat. That kind of devotion was not something that just happened. They had history and that bonded them together.

"Is everything alright?" she asked with her eyes still on her origami.

"I can't seem to focus. Let's eat." he told her and she rise from her seat just as he did the same. They left the room and walked to the base's kitchen at the same pace. Konan had put away her work the moment they left the room.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked

"You and I both know you can't cook." he told her allowing a small smile to curl his lips. "I was there for all your mishaps in the kitchen."

"I was going to get Kisame to do it."

"Not here."

"Kakuzu."

"Not here either."

"Ze-"

"Don't even think about it."

"..."

"I'll make it. What do you want?" he said they approached the kitchen. He held the door open for her from habit

"What you want." she answered entering the kitchen. He followed her in and began looking into the cupboards. As he checked them as she leaned on a counter out of his way. As he checked each cupboard he was getting progressively more irritated. Finally he turned to look at Konan.

"Problem?" she asked.

"There's nothing here." he said a hard egde that only Konan could tell was in his tone. "How can an organisation such as ours not have anything in our kitchen? Not even bread or rice? Nothing? Nothing at all but one dry rice grain?"

Konan watched him for a moment. "We used the money to aid in our plans. I believe I am correct in assuming that it why Kakuzu and Hidan are out doing the necessary missions along with Itachi and Kisame."

"So we don't even have our reserves?" Pein asked though as soon as he asked he knew the answer.

"No we used that as well." Konan answered anyway as she approached him.

"Right." he commented running a hand through his hair. Konan rested a hand on his shoulder just as his stomach growled unnaturally loud. "Crap."

"Indeed." she agreed at the answering sound of her own stomach.


End file.
